Friday, Jun 9 2006 | 10:01:44
I Hate Weddings
As the title of this post implies, I hate weddings. I have to go to one this Saturday, for my cousin. This Saturday, the night the Oilers are playing. I'll be sitting inside, talking to random family members, while the Oilers battle the 'Canes in Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals. But that's not the sole reason why I hate them.
They're so boring, for one. I wouldn't mind it if all there was was a church service, then an hour or so of well-wishing. But no...it's an entire day of half-smiles and small-talk with extended family members and strangers from the other side of the married couple's family. A good chunk of my family is in the trades, so they're all off in a corner talking gibberish about how this doohicky works, or how the foreman is such a jackass, or how their contract job is almost up and how life will suck balls until they find another one through the union. Meanwhile, I'm on a permanant salary job and have never worked under a foreman in my life (except those three summer months back in 2000). And I have as much of a concept of what a "blah-blah 642 valve control" is as they have of a plpgsql script.
So, being single and not being able to join in any adult conversations, I usually spend most of the time bugging my 16- and 17-year-old cousins. It's bad, I know.
Plus, to have the honour of going to the wedding, you have to give a wedding present! $100 is the going rate for cousins. I mean, sure, I'm all for them having a good marriage, but...can I give $150 and not come?
But what can you do? Not go? That'd be like spitting in their face. Take a new date or a friend? No; since it's a big family function, that'll either scare them off or give everyone the impression you're going steady. Start dating now so next wedding you can bring someone? Yeah, but I'm ranting about THIS wedding!
When I was a kid, weddings were fun. There was no pressure, no uncles and aunts continually elbowing you and saying "Hey, are you next? Wink wink!" You'd just fool around on the dance floor, get your over-18 brother to bring you drinks, and basically act like a kid. That's gone now.
Maybe I'll just sit in the car and listen to the game. Or pay Telus $15 this month and watch the game on my phone, then cancel the service next month. Or just read a book.
They're so boring, for one. I wouldn't mind it if all there was was a church service, then an hour or so of well-wishing. But no...it's an entire day of half-smiles and small-talk with extended family members and strangers from the other side of the married couple's family. A good chunk of my family is in the trades, so they're all off in a corner talking gibberish about how this doohicky works, or how the foreman is such a jackass, or how their contract job is almost up and how life will suck balls until they find another one through the union. Meanwhile, I'm on a permanant salary job and have never worked under a foreman in my life (except those three summer months back in 2000). And I have as much of a concept of what a "blah-blah 642 valve control" is as they have of a plpgsql script.
So, being single and not being able to join in any adult conversations, I usually spend most of the time bugging my 16- and 17-year-old cousins. It's bad, I know.
Plus, to have the honour of going to the wedding, you have to give a wedding present! $100 is the going rate for cousins. I mean, sure, I'm all for them having a good marriage, but...can I give $150 and not come?
But what can you do? Not go? That'd be like spitting in their face. Take a new date or a friend? No; since it's a big family function, that'll either scare them off or give everyone the impression you're going steady. Start dating now so next wedding you can bring someone? Yeah, but I'm ranting about THIS wedding!
When I was a kid, weddings were fun. There was no pressure, no uncles and aunts continually elbowing you and saying "Hey, are you next? Wink wink!" You'd just fool around on the dance floor, get your over-18 brother to bring you drinks, and basically act like a kid. That's gone now.
Maybe I'll just sit in the car and listen to the game. Or pay Telus $15 this month and watch the game on my phone, then cancel the service next month. Or just read a book.
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